for christmas eve, my family decided it would be a good idea to go to this candlelight barn service at this farm at 10pm. we all bundled warmly and i snuck an earbud under all of my clothing so that i could listen to sigur ros.

we arrived at the barn and headed inside. people were sitting on hay bales that were assembled in rows that were just barely wide enough for my size 11 foot to sit perpendicular. on top of the hay bales were wooden boards covered in green astro turf. what was neat about that, was that it was one of the most incredibly uncomfortable places i have ever had to sit. i spent most of the service practicing yoga breathing techniques and slightly altering my posture to keep my back from aching.

when we walked in we chose a plastic, light-up, candle from a box. i wondered if the fact that i had the only one with dead batteries was cosmically ironic. or maybe god was trying to symbolize my lost faith as some sort of message in my hand.

the music was pretty bad, the guitarist/singer was struggling for the most part, and all the back up instruments were off beat or inaudible. the message was from this pastor who was in poor period dress and was pretending to be the inn keeper that provided mary and joseph with the barn. it was very theatre-y and shitty. then they had communion, so everyone was trying to file out of their constrictive seats and stumbling all over. it was awkward, and i opted to not partake.

this has been the coldest winter in kansas that i can remember. then, the day after christmas it hit 65.

oh yes, and at work, our christmas party included:
guitar hero world tour on a PA and projected huge on a wall
beer, 2 spiked punches, and champagne jello parfaits
a very odd white elephant gift exchange, including a hand painted "chimpanzee riding on a segway"
and 8mm projector with old collected movies including home videos, weddings, and porn, courtesy of my boss.

A Bad List of Good Things

I found a scrawled note in my backpack that I remember writing hurriedly one morning after working at Starbucks. The list was a start of things that made me happy in a pretty unhappy time.

Behold, the things that made me happy in those few days.

1. The puppy in Equilibrium
The movie liberally steals ideas from every popular dystopia piece of fiction, but besides its unbelievably kick ass gun fights, the greatest thing about this movie is Christian Bale's character, experiencing emotion for the first time, finding the most adorable puppy in world history. This picture is a perfect reaction of a man who has never experienced emotion looking at a puppy with emotion for the first time.














2. Kind Executives
By some stroke of luck, I was able to meet marketing legend Bob Thacker, (the man responsible for the turnaround of Target from dowdy second rate retailer to favorite multinational company of college kids everywhere). Not only was Mr. Thacker the most friendly, humble person in spite of his accomplishments, he gave me contacts to several presidents of great ad agencies. Now, as a 22 year old from Wyoming, its pretty scary to call people who were responsible for the budweiser frogs, or who directed multi national ad agencies. Knowing this, its been pretty incredible to call these people who are respected by everyone in the field, and see that they are friendly, understanding, and helpful. World, there is hope for executives yet.

3. Jon at Work.
Jon is about 70 something years old, has worked at Starbucks for 9 years, and is nicknamed "legs" because of his love of wearing khaki shorts at work. He often messes up his coworkers names, makes jokes from the 40's, and gets upset when things don't go perfectly. He is super cheerful though, and just his entire existence blows me away.

4. Sprinting when the good part of the song comes on during your run
After a mile or so, my legs are tired. I'm thinking about how awesome sitting or walking sounds, but then the huge breakdown comes with Spencer of Underoath killing his vocal chords, or the huge bust out after the ambient section of a Genghis Tron song comes on, or the verse where Lil Wayne just f'ing loses it comes on, and I am suddenly full of energy, and find myself in a dead sprint, fueled by the music.

Who knew this dude was responsible for so much exercise?






















(I will use any excuse to use this picture. It is maybe the most gangsta picture ever shot)

5. the 4:30-6:45 am shift
This shift is hellish to wake up for, but waking up this early, seeing the city come to life, and then getting off and eating breakfast with an egg nog latte is a flawless experience.

6. Going to bed at 8:30 at night

an ignorant rant about ignorance

why do conservatives believe that by allowing homosexuals to get married, the entire human race will be wiped out? whoever started this ridiculous notion has to be a closet homosexual, who thinks that everyone is on the brink of smoking a man-cigar and providing reach-arounds, or girl-on-girl 69ing. what is the number, like 1 out of every 10 guys is gay? that still leaves 90% of guys who are totally ready to fill girls to the brim with semen. think of all of the illegitimate children and abortions that are being tossed around these days. gay rights do not equal the end of human kind, and none of us would live to see that even come close to happening if it were true. and if it did, good riddance, humans are horrible people. haha

in an unrelated topic; my friend tyler at work said that when he was in high school, his dad suggested to him that he should hang out with the theater girls, because they were "loose." not only did this make me laugh really really hard, but it also got me thinking. is there any dude so desperate to get laid that he would resort to theater chicks? come on, those girls are either gross, or straight up crazy. example, i worked with an incredibly hot, high school theater girl, who probably was as completely easy as she came off, but was also as batshit crazy as anyone could possibly be. if someone was desperate enough to put their dick in that, good luck.

and so concludes another chapter of healthy morals and sage advice for today!

Ready to Farm

Tonight, I lie almost certainly convinced, that no occupation means anything that has been invented by man.

The only occupations that matter
Farmer
Hunter/Fisher
Builder/Engineer
Doctor
Priest/Holy Man/Shaman
Fighter
Writer/Performer

Thats it. The stock market's brilliant collapse shows us the foolishness of financial algorithms. The collapse of many brilliant companies show us the pointlessness of the most brilliant entrepreneurs. The degradation of humanity, the constant pratfalls of criminals and the negligence of any sort of social justice shows us the futility of the most cunning lawyers. The lack of any empire lasting more than a few hundred years shows the inefficacy of the most memorable, impactful politicians.

Will humanity advance? Yes. The future cities of the world like Abu Dhabi, the breakthroughs in theoretical physics and their applications to our day to day lives, the breaking of the genome code and its ramifications for health, all point to progress.

But what is this progress? In Abu Dhabi, for instance, all the progress has led to a city that runs on the sun and outlaws cars. So basically, it is a fief village with plasma screens. String theory can explain the multitudes of physical abnormalities, and how particles may be waves, but it never really pushes us to a new progress of life that no other human has faced. The works of medicine are unleashing the most advanced breakthroughs of history, while curious authors are discovering all the health dangers our "high tech" food have given us.

I find very little proof that our advances are any more than changes, nothing more substantial than changing the skin of your window's media player.

I want to farm, I want to develop a sustainable water supply, I want to build simple efficient things, I want to hunt my meat, I want to grow closer to God, I want to heal those who are sick, I want to fight for those who I love, I want to write something that will entertain you, and maybe make you think, and enable you to progress. Because human progress is nothing like the progress of the world; it is the definition of sustainability.

However, I have this damned marketing degree, and will end up doing something as useless as figuring out a revolutionary new media, or a ad campaign that will be remembered in 10 years, at the very, most outlier, best!

For the improvements of ages have had but little influence on the essential laws of man's existence; as our skeletons, probably, are not to be distinguished from those of our ancestors.

- From Thoreau in Walden

tis the season

so, i've been really bothered by the idea that telling people "merry christmas" is not pc. understandably, not all people celebrate christmas, but i think that i tend to associate christmas with the whole season, rather than the specific day, and what i'll be doing. i think it bothers me more, because it seems like almost everyone, except jews, celebrate christmas [in america]. and, there are not a whole lot of jews in kansas, so this doesn't seem like a huge deal.

whatever, i'm rambling. basically, the point i'm making, is that i don't give a shit if someone is offended by someone saying "merry christmas." it's a statement wishing happiness, said in goodwill. so, if people get upset, i'll calmly tell them they can fuck off, assuming that that is just as un-pc.

merry christmas, faggots!

This

Clear your damn eyes and see the world

I've always tried my hardest to not close myself to the world. I have seen a million people trapped by their processes each day, and I have always pushed myself to never settle into a groove.

I wish I could say, "Gosh I used to be so ignorant". I wish I could flaunt a moment of realization that changed my world. Instead, I am forced into a pattern of learning in which my own curiousity and realization of my own foolishness is constantly mocked by slaps in the face.

I never claim to know anything, yet it feels like I am being forcefully taught of my own ignorance. I never feel particularly in control, yet it feels like I am being stripped of whatever control I had. I rarely get ingrained in my own plans, yet it seems like I am being taught to not plan. Its all pretty confusing, and I feel like I am in a classroom where the teacher confuses me for another student, yet liberally forces lessons on me anyway, even though I obviously don't need them.

However, the paradox lies in the fact that I obviously don't need them. I pride myself in being open minded, flexible, willing to learn. So, if I think I am those things, than I obviously need to be taught that I am not. Its all so high school philosophy.

In this mindset, I am able to sit still and listen to the lessons as they either violently break my ribs until I am coerced into listening or they casually glide past my ears, gone forever if I don't particularly care to listen.

In the most confusing book in the entire Bible, Job gets his life shitted upon in a seeming cosmic oneupmanship between God and Satan. No human can claim to understand this, and I think this is entirely the way it should be. In the end of the book, when Job shockingly wonders why God did what he did, God basically showers the most kickass metal lyrics upon Job's frail ears about his indomitable creation, and taunts Job because Job doesn't do anything nearly as cool as command the oceans, or order Behemoths.

The book of Job has always pissed me off. It still does, and it always will. But I still read it and it invigorates me with awe for God. I cannot claim to have a special understanding or explanation of the book, other than it is a visceral, upsetting description of man's pitiful stature compared to God. One of the phrases God repeats before his verbal smackdown of Job is, "brace yourself like a man". I always took this to mean, "be a MAN, stick out your chest! Be a tough guy and take this whippin!". The most recent time I read this, I realized that maybe this wasn't what is meant at all. Maybe it means, "brace yourself, brace yourself like a frail little grasshopper clinging to a leaf in a tornado, brace yourself like a sparrow weathering a hurricane, brace yourself like Little Mac controlled by a first time player against Mike Tyson in Punchout! Brace yourself like a pathetic little lump of humanity against God, Brace yourself like a man".

Finally? I learn that man is pathetic and always vulnerable to immediate annihilation by any number of a thousand forces. In this epiphany, that man is unbelievably weak, is the path to man becoming stronger, wiser, more mature.

art class is in session

so i stumbled across this man's website while checking a design blog. he's an amazing illustrator with beautiful line work. also his website is so crappy and simple that it rules. it's actually really refreshing in comparison to portfolio and design sites that fuck you in the face with flash.

i actually followed this link solely based on his website name: I Can't Believe It's Not Better.
everything on that website is worthing giving a gander.

love,

so, i'm trying to look for jobs in another state and it is teh sucks.