gather round children, and i shall spin a tale of mystery, intrigue, and gender confusion.

so, one of my coworkers is transgender. this was not a hard conclusion to come by, because this person worked there last year when i did,... and was a man then. let's call this person, "x." i have never felt a connection to x because we have mismatched personalities. even when x was a man, i found him awkward, and any conversation with x leaves me feeling puzzled. my friend who also works with me, absolutely hates x, and has for a long time. this is something he is very open about. i try not to let his hatred spill onto me, and that my feelings toward x are not governed by my friend's. so i don't. and i don't hate x, and i don't dislike x because she is a transgender.

anyway, i have had several lengthy, awkward conversations with x, and have learned more about her life than i would care to know. however, today i had a lot of stuff cleared up by a conversation with her. she was asking me if i was going to have to quit working at blue collar if gas started getting too high because i have to drive 30 min to get there, and i told her that i was moving to denver soon, so, no. and then we talked about moving different places and she started talking about wanting to move out west out of a need to meet more transgenders in her situation.

now background, x is an ex-crust punk who grew up in the 80s and was always surrounded by violence between jocks and gays, punks and skinheads, punks and jocks, etc. etc. she has been an alcoholic who would stalk the streets with a 40 and hang out with anyone, including jumping in cars with strangers and getting into all sorts of danger. moving around from okc, to dallas, to austin, and finally to lawrence. she is married and supposedly can't get the full operation because her marriage will be nulled and her insurance would triple. she became a transgender sometime around last year, after i left and went back to school. we have the same birthday and she's 35.

so, x has complained that around the country she has met transgenders like herself, except they're aging women who remind her of her mom or grandma. no one her age, with her taste in music. and it seems the younger generation of trangenders just want to be fabulous, slutty, divas who throw around bj's and look glamorous. however, her wife wants to move east, and x thinks that living in the mountains of virgina, surrounded by hicks, will not be easy for her. and i guess they both badly want to move other places, but cannot come to an agreement, and i think they'll live in lawrence for a very long time.

anyway, i found this out today while printing demon hunter shirts, and it was really interesting. not that i completely back x in her hardships, or that i really care if it works out for her. i think there's a lot of confusion and delusion. which seems normal considering that if you lived your life for 34 years as a man, and then decided to become a woman, how do you even do that? no amount of estrogen pills and surgery is going to make you change your MANnerisms. pun intended.

love,